I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
