He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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