He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
