Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Four minutes until I can fart!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
