I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
