She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
