Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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