YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
