Moan for me like Helen Keller
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
