My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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