i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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