He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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