"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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