im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
