Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
