Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She announced her abortion via fbk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
