this beer tastes like vomit already
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
