We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
