guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
