he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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