my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
