I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
