That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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