Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
