so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this just has baby written all over it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dick very happy bro
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
