what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
