I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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