My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
