I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
