Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
