last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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