Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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