We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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