and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
