what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
