You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
