It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
