Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
