You just made me feel so damn special
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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