he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
