I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
