watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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