I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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