I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
