i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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