Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
