Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
