I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i drank out of a bidet.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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