She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
