i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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