Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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