I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
