I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
