my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just pee around me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
