Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
