Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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