So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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