i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
