Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
