yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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