if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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