I bet he comes in French.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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