His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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