Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off