there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?