I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.