I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
