I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
