oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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