Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize