Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
ok first of all what the fuck
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
