it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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