Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
